Kaz's tumblings

zincfingers:

Oh no, some people were telling you not to use a homophobic slur to describe straight platonic relationships. HOW DARE THEY

…

…

Because. You know. The relationships I - nonbinary identifying as in between female and neutrois and presenting as/passing as female in RL - have with two women. Both of whom I love very much and where I really, really want to permanently live with at least one of them (both is looking pretty unlikely :( and this would require a transatlantic move in both cases), maybe raise kids with them, maybe marry one of them if legally possible - because of tax/visa/citizenship stuff and because if I’m ever going to marry *anyone* they’re at the top of the list-

Those relationships are totally straight platonic relationships.

Not even going to touch the rest of it, just. JFC.

weesleyisourking:

Most of which are people replying, saying things akin to “No one cares about your micromanaging of your relationships”; “Stop trying to be pretentious or get oppression street creds”; “I have relationships like this, you don’t need a special word for it”; and even, “Wow, the asexuals always have…

I… had no idea this was going on, and this upsets me so. Damn. Much.

Okay. People. You’ve got issues with the word queerplatonic? Shut the FUCK up. I’m not the originator of the word, that’s s.e. smith/meloukhia of this ain’t livin’, but it *was*, AFAIK, first properly introduced to the world on my blog in a conversation ou was having with me… partially because we had both felt the lack of a word for this so keenly.

I spent two. Fucking. Years. Driving myself up the wall over my relationships - in particular, over my ideal relationship *and* over the relationship I had with one of my now-zucchini. Was it romantic or friendship? Was I accidentally dating someone? Did I have a girlfriend? How could you even tell? And what on earth did you do if the question didn’t lead anywhere because neither of the two options really fit? I agonised over this, and I honestly don’t think someone who has been there, facing not just “this relationship I have, I have no fucking clue how to categorise it, I don’t think the categories I’ve been given work” but “actually, the categories I’ve been given don’t work for my relationships at all, neither in terms of the ones I have but also the ones I want.” All around me were people iding as hetero/homo/biromantic or aromantic and I was sitting there going “…homoromantic? aromantic? in between? NOTHING WORKS NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE”, do you have any idea what that feels like?

Queerplatonic? Zucchini? I may not have invented those words, but they’re my words all the same. They are, in a a way, some of the most important words I have. More than asexual. More than nonbinary. And if you don’t feel the need for them, then don’t you fucking touch them.

thisisntfarmlife:

hupsoonheng:

megachiropteran:

waiflike:

eateroftrees:

Sex Positivity is Rape Culture in Disguise

[Trigger Warning: Rape, Rape Culture discussed at link]

Or, in which I attempt to alienate all my followers.

Mostly it discusses ways in which rape culture and sex positivity…

I *did* read the post, in its entirety, and I am acknowledging it by trying to clear the name of the sex positive movement. This not just a movement for us hyper-sexual, sex craved folks; it’s a movement for everyone, intended to make everyone feel comfortable with the way they are, the urges they feel, and the level/frequency of sexual activity they want to engage in - regardless of the amount or intended partner(s). Since we’re so caught up on verbiage, I’d like to point out that having “sex” and “positivity” next to one another doesn’t mean that it has to be lots of sex to be positive. All that means is that sexuality, in whatever form it manifests itself, is a positive, natural persuasion that shouldn’t be looked down upon or discouraged. As a part of the movement, I felt offended that I was accused of promoting rape culture because someone doesn’t really know what my philosophy is about. A huge part of my views about sex positivity is that all interactions are three things: informed (both parties know what will be happening), consensual (both parties have agreed that this act is okay with them), and safe (in terms of emotional safety, knowing that at any time, consent can be revoked, as well as in terms of STD and pregnancy prevention, depending on the situation). I refuse to not stand up for myself and my beliefs when someone is throwing around accusations like that which are based on assumptions and gross misunderstandings.

Look - the thing is that you say that this is what sex-positivity is, but for a lot of us this isn’t what we’ve experienced. And I don’t mean occasional exceptions who were prude-shaming and anti-ace, but many people. Possibly the majority of people calling themselves sex-positive we’ve encountered. Large, well-known sex-positive spaces can be dripping with this sort of attitude. I personally take, for instance, a blog being labelled “sex-positive” as a sign that this is a space where I have to be careful and that may be unsafe, not out of any misunderstanding of what the term means but based on my own past experiences. It’s a movement for everyone? I used to think that way; I used to identify as sex-positive, but then I quit because it was clear to me that I wasn’t wanted.

I respectfully suggest that if you get upset by people saying a lot of sex-positivity carries some seriously nasty messages, instead of attacking the people saying this and accusing them of lying about or misunderstanding their own experiences (which, really?) you start looking into why so many people are saying this is wide-spread and, possibly, what you can do to stop it. Honestly, I for one would feel much less alienated by sex-positivity if I saw other sex-positive people calling out these attitudes, but usually that’s not what’s going on.

(Source: thenameoftheworms)